My best friend is homeless

[TheMyspaceDayz]

There are pictures of us as babies bear hugging each other. We grew up together.

He used to have a high paying construction job with a wife and kids several years ago. Now he literally lives in a condemned building when he isn’t couch surfing with his “free spirited” girlfriend, who in reality is just a hopeless moron.

It all began with his wife, who would call the cops and claim physical abuse every time he drank. I personally never saw him touch her and saw no signs so I had no clue what to think when I’d pick him up from jail. It wasn’t until I showed up on his door step unexpectedly one evening and my friend wasn’t there that I realized this b*tch is crazy.

She says it’s okay if I wait for him after asking if I can do so.

So I’m sitting in the living room, waiting for my friend to get off work, watching The Simpsons as she walks around the house doing chores. She stops talking to me after maybe 7 minutes and starts slamming cupboards while putting things away and then she snaps.

“This is my work out time and you’re sitting in my exercise area. I’m trying to be healthy and you’re keeping me from being healthy. This is a form of abuse!”

I am not exaggerating. I obviously can’t repeat it verbatim as it has been years but that’s as best I can recall what she said.

Was that a woman fed up with legit abuse or did she play that abuse card way too easily?

My buddy is homeless because he drank himself there after she successfully painted him as an abusive husband. She took the kids and he couldn’t handle it.

To this day, I have never seen him hit anyone. I hear the stories. He’s huge and doesn’t even fight back when people swing on him, which is often because he lives amongst crazy people. Big Teddy bear IMO and always has been.

Anyway, whole situation reminded me of Gone Girl and it’s sad.

Wish I could convince him to come stay with me but he refuses. Says he has no shame and prefers actual fun over television. A little baffling to me since he doesn’t do drugs. Just drinks, which I do plenty of. That girl he’s with is poisoning his mind, I’m sure of it.

How do you talk someone off the street when they don’t seem to have a rock bottom?

[TheMyspaceDayz]

And yes, I am asking for advice. This is what asking for advice actually looks like for any dumb people who might be reading this (you know who you are.)

[siablo14]

And yes, I am asking for advice. This is what asking for advice actually looks like for any dumb people who might be reading this (you know who you are.)

At least he still has his dignity. Not taking handouts from you.

[Sctrojan]

Extremely difficult getting someone help when they're not open to it,especially when theyre being encouraged by another enabler.

Idk,just offer a helping hand,shoulder to cry on and encouragement when/if he comes looking for it. Keep that door open for him if that time ever comes. But he is a grown man and we all have to take accountability for our actions at some point as well. Hopefully that time comes for him before it's too late.

Lost my best friend to alcohol and drugs about 7yrs ago now so I know that helplessness you feel.Goodluck man...

[GhostofDempsey]

There isn't anything you can do for him. He has to want to make these changes for himself. All you can do is be there as a friend for him when he is read to come in out of the rain. One thing that concerns me is that he isn't willing to fight for his kids. He gave up and walked away because of a crazy ex, when he should be doing all he can to be a part of their lives and living his life as an example for them to follow.

[Citizen Koba]

There are pictures of us as babies bear hugging each other. We grew up together.

He used to have a high paying construction job with a wife and kids several years ago. Now he literally lives in a condemned building when he isn’t couch surfing with his “free spirited” girlfriend, who in reality is just a hopeless moron.

It all began with his wife, who would call the cops and claim physical abuse every time he drank. I personally never saw him touch her and saw no signs so I had no clue what to think when I’d pick him up from jail. It wasn’t until I showed up on his door step unexpectedly one evening and my friend wasn’t there that I realized this b*tch is crazy.

She says it’s okay if I wait for him after asking if I can do so.

So I’m sitting in the living room, waiting for my friend to get off work, watching The Simpsons as she walks around the house doing chores. She stops talking to me after maybe 7 minutes and starts slamming cupboards while putting things away and then she snaps.

“This is my work out time and you’re sitting in my exercise area. I’m trying to be healthy and you’re keeping me from being healthy. This is a form of abuse!”

I am not exaggerating. I obviously can’t repeat it verbatim as it has been years but that’s as best I can recall what she said.

Was that a woman fed up with legit abuse or did she play that abuse card way too easily?

My buddy is homeless because he drank himself there after she successfully painted him as an abusive husband. She took the kids and he couldn’t handle it.

To this day, I have never seen him hit anyone. I hear the stories. He’s huge and doesn’t even fight back when people swing on him, which is often because he lives amongst crazy people. Big Teddy bear IMO and always has been.

Anyway, whole situation reminded me of Gone Girl and it’s sad.

Wish I could convince him to come stay with me but he refuses. Says he has no shame and prefers actual fun over television. A little baffling to me since he doesn’t do drugs. Just drinks, which I do plenty of. That girl he’s with is poisoning his mind, I’m sure of it.

How do you talk someone off the street when they don’t seem to have a rock bottom?

You don't. You can't. I've been there mate. All you can do is try to be there and help him pick up the pieces of his life when he's ready which might be never - and that's only if you can stand watching him destroy himself.

I was very lucky that I still had a coupla people left who still had time for me when I finally wanted out of the drugs and the drink, can't say how things would have turned out if I hadn't... but it's big ask, and almost guaranteed you'll have to put up with him thinking he's ready over and over then relapsing.

Who knows though? Everyone's different and maybe your dude just gotta work some stuff through - alcohol's generally a very, very bad form of self medication though so I wouldn't hold out much hope.

Just try not to get dragged too far into his messes, keep some boundaries.

[IceTrayDaGang]

he aint yo best friend then if you allowing him to sleep on the streets....

[Citizen Koba]

he aint yo best friend then if you allowing him to sleep on the streets....

How exactly he gonna stop him if the dude chooses to lead that life? It's a brutal way of life, living on the streets with a bottle in your hand, but there's a fucked up kinda freedom to it too. Turning your back on everything... all the pointless striving, all the hurt. You can easily lose yourself in it. One day to the next. Not worrying about anything except where the next drink or hit or fuck is coming from.

[billeau2]

There are pictures of us as babies bear hugging each other. We grew up together.

He used to have a high paying construction job with a wife and kids several years ago. Now he literally lives in a condemned building when he isn’t couch surfing with his “free spirited” girlfriend, who in reality is just a hopeless moron.

It all began with his wife, who would call the cops and claim physical abuse every time he drank. I personally never saw him touch her and saw no signs so I had no clue what to think when I’d pick him up from jail. It wasn’t until I showed up on his door step unexpectedly one evening and my friend wasn’t there that I realized this b*tch is crazy.

She says it’s okay if I wait for him after asking if I can do so.

So I’m sitting in the living room, waiting for my friend to get off work, watching The Simpsons as she walks around the house doing chores. She stops talking to me after maybe 7 minutes and starts slamming cupboards while putting things away and then she snaps.

“This is my work out time and you’re sitting in my exercise area. I’m trying to be healthy and you’re keeping me from being healthy. This is a form of abuse!”

I am not exaggerating. I obviously can’t repeat it verbatim as it has been years but that’s as best I can recall what she said.

Was that a woman fed up with legit abuse or did she play that abuse card way too easily?

My buddy is homeless because he drank himself there after she successfully painted him as an abusive husband. She took the kids and he couldn’t handle it.

To this day, I have never seen him hit anyone. I hear the stories. He’s huge and doesn’t even fight back when people swing on him, which is often because he lives amongst crazy people. Big Teddy bear IMO and always has been.

Anyway, whole situation reminded me of Gone Girl and it’s sad.

Wish I could convince him to come stay with me but he refuses. Says he has no shame and prefers actual fun over television. A little baffling to me since he doesn’t do drugs. Just drinks, which I do plenty of. That girl he’s with is poisoning his mind, I’m sure of it.

How do you talk someone off the street when they don’t seem to have a rock bottom?

You really cannot. Bottom line. I could tell you similar stories... It never really works. Will share one "yarn." When I was coming up in karate, me and a friend would train at the gym at at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. We were young, about 15 or so... and we would go at it hammer and tongs lol. So one day this youngish grad student starts complimenting us like crazy. he is just out of law school, with a real dish of a girl friend. My friend was always kind of "manicky" it allowed him while in law school to work construction, lift weights, etc... And he would self medicate with a large bottle of vodka, virtually on the daily.

Despite his education, talent, intellect, he was ultimately kicked out of his apartment, lost his lady, and went on the streets where he spent the rest of his days. Lord knows... I tried. I cheered him on and up... I adored him. he was just special but not made for this world. He always respected me, coming from how he met me lol.

I feel for you. be a friend... That matters more to your friend than you can imagine.

[billeau2]

You don't. You can't. I've been there mate. All you can do is try to be there and help him pick up the pieces of his life when he's ready which might be never - and that's only if you can stand watching him destroy himself.

I was very lucky that I still had a coupla people left who still had time for me when I finally wanted out of the drugs and the drink, can't say how things would have turned out if I hadn't... but it's big ask, and almost guaranteed you'll have to put up with him thinking he's ready over and over then relapsing.

Who knows though? Everyone's different and maybe your dude just gotta work some stuff through - alcohol's generally a very, very bad form of self medication though so I wouldn't hold out much hope.

Just try not to get dragged too far into his messes, keep some boundaries.

Alcohol is insidious. It is always available... Even in Canada where one had to go to special stores... It was very little to deter one. It is the self medicator... used by so many as a heater, depression drug, etc. I am glad I do not drink.