How do you handle FLAKES?/Cutting Them OFF?

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

How do you handle FLAKES?

So we got like a core group of of the fellas who roll out for our annual guys trip right.

We got one really good friend, been friends for over 20 plus years he ALWAYS I mean every single damn time flakes out last minute from the trip. (The guy has some big confidence issues, anxiety, image issues, huge introvert, etc)

Finally this past year was the biggest guys trip ever since it combined a bunch of us hitting milestone birthdays bunch of bachelor parties, and even divorce parties lol all combined. So this friend straight up unfollows all of us on social media, and goes MIA and acts like he doesn't even see the email invites with the guys trip plans and such(Even tho we been planning this one forever!)

Pretty much everyone in our circle gave up on dude several years ago, but I'm the only one who has a big heart and always tries to help him when literally everyone else gave up on him.

So he basically goes MIA whenever the guys trip comes together and while we are actually on the guys trip and then reappears around Xmas just to send a meaningless 2 word: "Merry Xmas" text .

Like yo dude where were you for the last 8 months no calls? no texts no emails, no replies and just cuz its xmas you send a 2 word text?

In the past Id be like hey good to hear from you how's everything and of course he doesnt reply after that.

So this past year the rest of the fellas got really pissed at him since he promised this would be the year he'd finally come through and he did not and he went MIA for 8 months straight and unfollowed and blocked everyone on social media too this time.

So the fellas said that this time he text me "Merry Xmas" I should just ignore him since he never responds after I say it back and ask him how he's doing?

So far the count is 9 to 1 to not respond this year. The 1 who says to just reply like normal is ironically the other guy who never comes through but he can't come cuz he broke as F LOL.

Also this year 2019 was the year I gave him his final chance if he flaked out one last time then Id be done with him. I'd be open to listening to his reasons for not showing up but he didn't even respond to my emails, texts or calls this time. Usually he gives me a fake weak excuse about work or family(he has no lady, no kids so its not like he even has a family or family obligations).

So should this flake finally get the axe and get cut off???
I gave him this year 2019 to redeem himself as a ONE LAST CHANCE and he BLEW IT big time, even unfollowed everyone on social media, blocked a few too.

Poll Coming

[Zaroku]

I kinda went MIA for almost 6 years while I got my chit together. My buddies were all doing better than I was, and I felt like a charity case. These guys are all big money players now.

After a bit, my bro dave said, just come out, man we all miss you, and you make us laugh. I am a funny guy, in person. So I eventually, with my wife's urging, met up for our yearly, and it was a blast. Vegas, and then Jackson hole wy. One guy, an Amazon big shot, Steve, has a winter home there, and we all stayed and had a great time.

Now, we talk all the time, and it is cool to see that I am not alone with my problems. I get great free advice, and give great free advice.

Your buddy must be going through some tough times, and might be like me, embarrassed to ask for help, or to get helpful advice.

I got over it. My buddy dave said, some things about me being a crap friend, who never reaches out to his friends when he is having problems. But, I make them tell me about theirs. He had me good with that, and it was true.

i got over it. and now.. life is better.

i do not know what to tell you, but do not give up on the guy, he might be expecting that, and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy in his mind.

hope this helps. Z

[Mighty_Windir]

After all of that you know damn well he doesn't want to go on trips and the reason he doesn't straight up say it its because of his confidence issues.

Don't invite him anymore or mention anything about a trip with the boys.

If he mentions it, then he gives you a pass to tell him straight to his face: "Yea don't worry we ain't inviting you this year so don't block/delete anyone from social media."

I vote ignore

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

I kinda went MIA for almost 6 years while I got my chit together. My buddies were all doing better than I was, and I felt like a charity case. These guys are all big money players now.

After a bit, my bro dave said, just come out, man we all miss you, and you make us laugh. I am a funny guy, in person. So I eventually, with my wife's urging, met up for our yearly, and it was a blast. Vegas, and then Jackson hole wy. One guy, an Amazon big shot, Steve, has a winter home there, and we all stayed and had a great time.

Now, we talk all the time, and it is cool to see that I am not alone with my problems. I get great free advice, and give great free advice.

Your buddy must be going through some tough times, and might be like me, embarrassed to ask for help, or to get helpful advice.

I got over it. My buddy dave said, some things about me being a crap friend, who never reaches out to his friends when he is having problems. But, I make them tell me about theirs. He had me good with that, and it was true.

i got over it. and now.. life is better.

i do not know what to tell you, but do not give up on the guy, he might be expecting that, and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy in his mind.

hope this helps. Z

Hey bro thanks for your response and very interesting input. I would have never taken you for the type to go MIA for 6 years and to fall on hard times. You always seem to be holding it down.

But what was your ultimate decision then on the poll?

So yeah I get what you are saying, but his situations totally different. He has a good job, pays well, so that was never his problem, its always been confidence issues, anxiety, image issues, being a total introvert, etc. This is why I TRIED SO DAMN HARD to HELP HIM! But he never takes my advice or even lets me help him he gets even more weird and mysterious and distant the more I try to sincerely help him.

Also you have a wife and family he does not. He has no excuse to go MIA. I get it if you got kids and wife you gonna be limited to your own personal free time but he has NONE of that. All the more reason for him to come through. Our circle is positive we all motivate, encourage each other and obviously be each everyones wingman!

Even the weakest of our crew pull girls or at least get digits when we roll out on these guys trips. So I dont get why he doesnt see this as an invaluable opportunity and a must to improve his situation?

Also you mention all the other benefits on networking, getting free advice, free hook ups for his career, etc as well.

[Zaroku]

Hey bro thanks for your response and very interesting input. I would have never taken you for the type to go MIA for 6 years and to fall on hard times. You always seem to be holding it down.

But what was your ultimate decision then on the poll?

So yeah I get what you are saying, but his situations totally different. He has a good job, pays well, so that was never his problem, its always been confidence issues, anxiety, image issues, being a total introvert, etc. This is why I TRIED SO DAMN HARD to HELP HIM! But he never takes my advice or even lets me help him he gets even more weird and mysterious and distant the more I try to sincerely help him.

Also you have a wife and family he does not. He has no excuse to go MIA. I get it if you got kids and wife you gonna be limited to your own personal free time but he has NONE of that. All the more reason for him to come through. Our circle is positive we all motivate, encourage each other and obviously be each everyones wingman!

Even the weakest of our crew pull girls or at least get digits when we roll out on these guys trips. So I dont get why he doesnt see this as an invaluable opportunity and a must to improve his situation?

Also you mention all the other benefits on networking, getting free advice, free hook ups for his career, etc as well.

i voted to stick around and reach out anyway. Hitting hard times hits us all. If you have not had hard times yet, you will someday, and get up off the canvas. My wife still is mad that I do not leverage my *** connections.

I meet them at temple, and they are always so inquisitive. Most work for Citi, Merrill, bofa, and now i am at Metlife.

I was a shoe in, my buddies said go there, and you got the job. easy. Of course, I still gotta deliver and they put their reputations on the line for me, and I have do the same for them.

We all doing good now. We do not leave anyone behind.

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

After all of that you know damn well he doesn't want to go on trips and the reason he doesn't straight up say it its because of his confidence issues.

Don't invite him anymore or mention anything about a trip with the boys.

If he mentions it, then he gives you a pass to tell him straight to his face: "Yea don't worry we ain't inviting you this year so don't block/delete anyone from social media."

I vote ignore

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Mighty_Windir again.

So here's the weird thing bro. I even told him yo I'll just do a guys trip with you just us two, in case hes not comfortable with the other guys coming and him seeing all of them pulling all the chicks, etc. I told him I'll just focus on helping him and making him look good for the ladies and he still rejects that shuts it down each time.

So then we find out through the g****vine that he's going on weekend trips to see the UFC fights (hes a big UFC guy) and he goes with this total dork who's just like him but worse. He goes with that guy since that guy won't even think to try to make him meet chicks like we would.

That guy is a no hopers he's over 40, never had a girlfriend, still lives with his mom he's pretty much like that comic book guy from The Simpsons, but at least comic book guy owned the comic book shop right?

So yeah our friend does indeed go out mostly to Vegas for UFC fights but again doesnt party or do anything that would revolve around meeting chicks out of fear and anxiety.

He does go to places where girls are paid to be nice to him like: Hooters, Strip Clubs, and other creepy stuff like that but when its a place where the girls are not paid to be nice to him he would never go.

It's funny you said this:

If he mentions it, then he gives you a pass to tell him straight to his face: "Yea don't worry we ain't inviting you this year so don't block/delete anyone from social media."

Because in 2018 he was basically saying he will come through for sure in 2019! Mostly because we were aiming for either Jamaica (which he was always interested in) or Hawaii (another spot he always wanted to go). He then looked at us all face to face saying oh shat if its Jamaica who doesnt want to go to Jamaica?

We all looked at each other like ARE YOU SURE THIS TIME?????

The thing that made lot of my friends pissed was he went MIA on their bachelor parties, Weddings, 21st 30th, 35th birthdays and never came by to meet their kids or none of the milestone like common bare minimum you'd do as a friend. Like he didnt even send wedding gifts or anything either. So I definitely see why this group of friends all got pissed at him for MIA on all of that.

But yeah this year he really pissed me off and I was leaning towards IGNORE!

[Boxingraya]

How do you handle FLAKES?

So we got like a core group of of the fellas who roll out for our annual guys trip right.

We got one really good friend, been friends for over 20 plus years he ALWAYS I mean every single damn time flakes out last minute from the trip. (The guy has some big confidence issues, anxiety, image issues, huge introvert, etc)

Finally this past year was the biggest guys trip ever since it combined a bunch of us hitting milestone birthdays bunch of bachelor parties, and even divorce parties lol all combined. So this friend straight up unfollows all of us on social media, and goes MIA and acts like he doesn't even see the email invites with the guys trip plans and such(Even tho we been planning this one forever!)

Pretty much everyone in our circle gave up on dude several years ago, but I'm the only one who has a big heart and always tries to help him when literally everyone else gave up on him.

So he basically goes MIA whenever the guys trip comes together and while we are actually on the guys trip and then reappears around Xmas just to send a meaningless 2 word: "Merry Xmas" text .

Like yo dude where were you for the last 8 months no calls? no texts no emails, no replies and just cuz its xmas you send a 2 word text?

In the past Id be like hey good to hear from you how's everything and of course he doesnt reply after that.

So this past year the rest of the fellas got really pissed at him since he promised this would be the year he'd finally come through and he did not and he went MIA for 8 months straight and unfollowed and blocked everyone on social media too this time.

So the fellas said that this time he text me "Merry Xmas" I should just ignore him since he never responds after I say it back and ask him how he's doing?

So far the count is 9 to 1 to not respond this year. The 1 who says to just reply like normal is ironically the other guy who never comes through but he can't come cuz he broke as F LOL.

Also this year 2019 was the year I gave him his final chance if he flaked out one last time then Id be done with him. I'd be open to listening to his reasons for not showing up but he didn't even respond to my emails, texts or calls this time. Usually he gives me a fake weak excuse about work or family(he has no lady, no kids so its not like he even has a family or family obligations).

So should this flake finally get the axe and get cut off???
I gave him this year 2019 to redeem himself as a ONE LAST CHANCE and he BLEW IT big time, even unfollowed everyone on social media, blocked a few too.

Poll Coming

If he isn't costing you money then I dont see what the big deal is. Just don't invite him anymore. If he sends a text saying hi, you say hi back. That's the respectable thing to do anyways.

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

i voted to stick around and reach out anyway. Hitting hard times hits us all. If you have not had hard times yet, you will someday, and get up off the canvas. My wife still is mad that I do not leverage my *** connections.

I meet them at temple, and they are always so inquisitive. Most work for Citi, Merrill, bofa, and now i am at Metlife.

I was a shoe in, my buddies said go there, and you got the job. easy. Of course, I still gotta deliver and they put their reputations on the line for me, and I have do the same for them.

We all doing good now. We do not leave anyone behind.

Green Karma bro!

Here's the thing bro u and I are very similar in that we both have BIG HEARTS, and we loyal as F to those who we been friends and fam with forever like this guy so yeah bro totally on the same page here.

But here's the thing we do gotta have our limits too. And we do got to cut off certain people that's just life and growing up and moving on.

He's been going MIA on our circle of friends whenever we turned 21, 30, 35 never came through for any of those milestone bday bashes or trips.

When those of us who got married had bachelor trips and weddings he went MIA. He didnt even send wedding gifts or nothing.

Those of us who had kids, he never came by to visit and see them or give any gifts for the kids. Shoot not even diapers for when they were newborns or babies.

The guy just goes MIA for like 8 months a time, and shoots a 2 Word: "Merry Christmas" at us thinking everything's all gravy all of sudden?

Also again he's never hit hard times bro. He's always had a good job, good career. He's been a computer graphic designer and programmer for one of the biggest computer companies in the world. Guy was making bank while the rest of us were doing entry level jobs out of college so if anything he's been making good paper forever.

For him its all social anxiety, insecurities, image issues, confidence issues, but I've been trying to help him forever for over 20 years bro!

If all he does is diss and flake out and go MIA for 8months of the year and only comes around for a 2 word: "Merry Xmas" text as if that somehow makes up for it then NO MAS!

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

If he isn't costing you money then I dont see what the big deal is. Just don't invite him anymore. If he sends a text saying hi, you say hi back. That's the respectable thing to do anyways.

He has cost me personally money and our group as we all thrown down deposits for the big trips.

One year I put the whole deposit for a big New Years Eve trip on my credit card, they made you pay for 3 days at minimum around NYE and he was supposed to pay the other 1/2 and he totally flaked and ghosted I even told him yo dude I had to pay the entire deposit and room charges that you were supposed to pay 1/2 and he just didnt say anything.

One of our big trips to the Ba***** I put his flight and his share of the room on my credit card and he totally flaked again this time he stood up all night talking with me about his issues so I thought hey at least we made a bit of progress and he'll improve his situation at least but no he again went MIA for like the entire next year.

Oh another time I bought him UFC tickets since hes a big fan and told him hey lets grab some drinks at the bars afterwards and then guess what he flaked and I was stuck with 2 UFC tickets and I scalped them but lost like $500 on them.

The ONE Time he did show up at one of our bachelor parties, he said he won't pay the bachelor any lap dances or drinks just a dinner. So we got stuck with about $3,000 of the bachelor weekend and he paid for the bachelor's $60 dollar dinner lol.

[Zaroku]

Green Karma bro!

Here's the thing bro u and I are very similar in that we both have BIG HEARTS, and we loyal as F to those who we been friends and fam with forever like this guy so yeah bro totally on the same page here.

But here's the thing we do gotta have our limits too. And we do got to cut off certain people that's just life and growing up and moving on.

He's been going MIA on our circle of friends whenever we turned 21, 30, 35 never came through for any of those milestone bday bashes or trips.

When those of us who got married had bachelor trips and weddings he went MIA. He didnt even send wedding gifts or nothing.

Those of us who had kids, he never came by to visit and see them or give any gifts for the kids. Shoot not even diapers for when they were newborns or babies.

The guy just goes MIA for like 8 months a time, and shoots a 2 Word: "Merry Christmas" at us thinking everything's all gravy all of sudden?

Also again he's never hit hard times bro. He's always had a good job, good career. He's been a computer graphic designer and programmer for one of the biggest computer companies in the world. Guy was making bank while the rest of us were doing entry level jobs out of college so if anything he's been making good paper forever.

For him its all social anxiety, insecurities, image issues, confidence issues, but I've been trying to help him forever for over 20 years bro!

If all he does is diss and flake out and go MIA for 8months of the year and only comes around for a 2 word: "Merry Xmas" text as if that somehow makes up for it then NO MAS!

In Japan, honne are a person's true feelings and desires (本音 hon'ne, "true sound"), and tatemae are the behavior and opinions one displays in public (建前 tatemae, "built in front", "fa�ade"). This distinction began to be made in the post-war era.[1]

I call this being two faced, but Japanese people call it, being social. In high school, my girl friend had several faces. one for me, one for her parents, one for her some kinda christian guy leader, one for people who were higher status that she wanted to impress.

One of my most successful friends, started a company call it Brocade which was bought by Cisco, made 60 million, and it ruined his life. He was not that sharp, but ended up working for a big fibre channel drive maker. he got paid crap, but when it ipo'd he made like 60 million, in stock options.. I got in on the friends and family price, and made really nice money..



here is the company, and the 3 splits. my wife, thought I was a genius, for insider trading.. We bought a house in Hayward Park, san mateo, cash money. Good times... for me. my buddy was living large. ignored his wife, and only son.

Not good. His money went to his head, and he was buying hotwheels. I do not mean mattel car toys. He lived in Black Hawk and went to all the auto auctions, buying cars we wanted as kids.. he left his wife alone, and ignored his kid.. bad bad bad.

He pretty much lost half in the divorce, and his wife has several of his cars. he lives in a broken down apartment, and nobody will hire him. He has money, but not real money. He definitely avoids all of us, even though he put a lot of money in our pockets via stock we all bought.

Now, we do not know how to reach him, and the last I heard he was living with his new wife, in some trailer park, and her 3 kids. He refuses to meet us, and one of my friends offered him a job, and he refused a hand up, not a hand out.

We just hope he is happy, and he was a cool guy, but lost his way in a sea of sudden wealth, and fake new friends. I know you won't be that guy.